Will You Regret Not Doing It?

Sometimes the bigger risk is staying exactly where you are.

There are plenty of things we don’t do that we will never regret.

Not learning the ukulele.

Not running a marathon.

Not making our own sourdough starter.

Not getting up at 5am to meditate.

Absolutely fine.

But then there are the other things.

The things we keep thinking about.

I’d love to…

One day I’m going to…

I’ve always wanted to…

Maybe when the children are older…

Perhaps when work settles down…

When I’ve got more confidence…

When I’ve lost some weight…

When life isn’t quite so busy…

And somehow the years pass.

Regret Can Be Useful Information

Regret sounds negative.

But thinking about what we might regret doesn’t have to be depressing.

It can actually tell us something useful about what matters to us.

Imagine yourself looking back on your life from much further down the road.

What might you wish you had done?

And perhaps more importantly:

What might you wish you had at least tried?

That question can cut through an awful lot of noise.

“I Wish I’d Looked After Myself Earlier”

Health is an obvious example.

We can’t guarantee our future health.

We can do everything “right” and still become ill, injured or develop conditions outside our control.

But there are things we can influence.

Moving our bodies.

Building and maintaining strength.

Eating reasonably well.

Sleeping.

Resting.

Keeping up with health checks.

Looking after our mental wellbeing.

Maintaining friendships and social connections.

Perhaps your future self won’t wish you’d had more defined abdominal muscles.

But she may be rather pleased that you kept yourself strong enough to carry your own suitcase.

What Are You Waiting For?

Then there are the things that have nothing to do with health.

The course you’ve always wanted to do.

The career change you keep thinking about.

The place you’d love to visit.

The instrument you want to learn.

The house move.

The business idea.

The hobby.

The friendship you keep meaning to revive.

The conversation you know you need to have.

Sometimes there are perfectly good reasons to wait.

Money.

Children.

Caring responsibilities.

Health.

Timing.

Practicalities.

But sometimes, if we’re really truthful, the reason is:

I’m scared.

Scared of failing.

Scared of looking silly.

Scared of getting it wrong.

Scared of what other people will think.

Scared that we might discover we’re not very good at it.

Which is rather unfortunate, because being not very good at something is generally how being a beginner works.

What Will People Think?

This one deserves particular attention.

How many things do we avoid because we’re worried about what other people might think?

Wearing the swimsuit.

Going to the class.

Starting again.

Changing career.

Travelling alone.

Learning to dance.

Putting ourselves forward.

Posting something publicly.

Dating again.

Trying something at which we may look spectacularly uncoordinated.

We can give an extraordinary amount of power to an imaginary audience.

Meanwhile, most of the audience is far too busy worrying about what everybody thinks of them to devote much time to you.

And even if someone does think:

“Good grief, what is she doing?”

they’ll probably have moved on to wondering what they’re having for dinner within five minutes.

Relationships and Friendships Count Too

Regret isn’t only about the things we didn’t achieve.

Sometimes it’s about people.

The friend we kept meaning to ring.

The person we never told we loved.

The apology we were too stubborn to make.

The friendship that quietly disappeared because everybody was busy.

The relationship we stayed in long after we knew it wasn’t right.

Or perhaps the relationship we walked away from too quickly.

There isn’t always an obvious correct decision.

But it can be useful to ask:

If nothing changes, how might I feel about this in five years?

Sometimes changing the timeframe changes the answer.

Trying Doesn’t Guarantee a Happy Ending

This isn’t an argument for recklessness.

Not every dream needs pursuing.

Not every job needs quitting.

Not every relationship needs ending.

And please don’t read this sheet, buy a campervan and move to Portugal by Thursday.

Although if that has been your carefully considered plan for the past ten years, that’s a different conversation.

Trying something doesn’t guarantee that it will work.

The business might fail.

The date might be awful.

You might discover that you hate pottery.

You may finally learn to play the piano and remain spectacularly average.

But sometimes the value is in finding out.

Because there’s a difference between:

“I tried it and it wasn’t for me.”

and:

“I always wondered what would have happened if I had.”

Don’t Believe Every “Deathbed Regret” List

You’ll often see articles online claiming to reveal the five biggest regrets of the dying or similar.

They can make for interesting reading, but they shouldn’t automatically be treated as established scientific fact.

Human regret is far more complicated than a neat list on social media.

Different people regret different things.

And hindsight has a habit of making alternative paths look rather tidier than they probably would have been in reality.

The useful part isn’t somebody else telling you what you’re going to regret.

It’s asking:

What matters enough to me that I might regret never giving it a chance?

Try the 80-Year-Old You Test

Imagine yourself at 80.

You’re looking back at the decision you’re struggling with now.

What might that older version of you say?

“Thank goodness you did that.”

“Thank goodness you stopped doing that.”

“I wish you’d worried less about what everybody thought.”

“Why did it take you ten years to book the bloody trip?”

Or perhaps:

“You were right not to do it. It never really mattered to you.”

That last answer is useful too.

Not everything needs pursuing.

The exercise is about separating the things you genuinely want from the things you merely think you should want.

Which Regret Would You Rather Risk?

Sometimes there is risk whichever way we choose.

There’s the risk of trying and failing.

And there’s the risk of never trying and wondering.

There’s the discomfort of changing.

And there can be the discomfort of remaining exactly where you are.

So when you find yourself repeatedly thinking:

One day…

perhaps ask:

What exactly am I waiting for?

Then:

Which am I more likely to regret — trying, or never finding out?

You don’t necessarily need to change your entire life tomorrow.

You might just need to take one step.

Make the call.

Send the message.

Book the lesson.

Research the course.

Arrange the coffee.

Try the class.

Start saving for the trip.

Have the conversation.

Because sometimes “one day” needs a date in the diary.