F68 — WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

When life keeps getting postponed until the conditions are perfect.

Have you ever caught yourself saying:

"We'll do that when the children are older."

"I'll travel more when I've retired."

"I'll start exercising when work calms down."

"I'll wear that when I've lost a bit of weight."

"I'll take up painting when I've got more time."

"I'll enjoy myself when everything's sorted."

Ah yes.

When everything's sorted.

That mythical moment in life when the house is immaculate, the children are independent, the finances are organised, work is under control, your body is behaving itself and there isn't a single thing on your to-do list.

Presumably, at that point, someone will appear with a certificate confirming that you're finally allowed to enjoy yourself.

Unfortunately, life doesn't tend to work like that.

There's always another responsibility.

Another deadline.

Another problem to solve.

Another reason why now isn't quite the right time.

And before we know it, years have passed.

What if the perfect time never arrives?

The great waiting game

Much of adult life involves waiting for the next stage.

When we're young, we can't wait to grow up.

Then we can't wait to finish studying.

Get a job.

Earn more money.

Buy a house.

Find a partner.

Have children.

Get through the exhausting years of raising children.

Reach the point where the children don't need us quite so much.

Retire.

And finally, apparently, begin enjoying ourselves.

It's almost as though we're treating life as a very long queue.

The trouble is that the destination keeps moving.

And while we're concentrating on getting to the next stage, we may overlook the life we're already living.

When did 'someday' become the plan?

Think about something you've wanted to do for years.

Perhaps it's travelling to a particular country.

Learning a language.

Taking dancing lessons.

Writing a book.

Starting a business.

Walking a long-distance trail.

Joining a choir.

Learning to play the piano.

Or simply spending more time doing things that make you happy.

How long has it been on your list?

And what's stopping you?

Sometimes there are genuine practical obstacles.

Money.

Health.

Family responsibilities.

Work.

Caring commitments.

But sometimes the obstacle is less concrete.

We're waiting until we feel confident.

Until we have more time.

Until we're fitter.

Until someone else wants to come with us.

Until we feel ready.

And occasionally, we may be waiting for permission that nobody else is going to give us.

Perhaps 'someday' has become a very comfortable place to keep the things we're slightly frightened of doing.

The illusion of the perfect time

We often imagine that the future version of ourselves will have fewer complications.

Future Me will be organised.

Future Me will have more money.

Future Me will be confident.

Future Me will be fitter.

Future Me will have time to pursue all those interests.

Future Me sounds absolutely marvellous.

Unfortunately, Future Me will probably still have laundry, responsibilities, unexpected expenses and a slightly alarming number of emails.

The circumstances may change.

But life is unlikely to become entirely free of complications.

Sometimes waiting is sensible.

But sometimes we're waiting for conditions that simply don't exist.

The question is:

Am I waiting because I genuinely need to, or because waiting feels safer than beginning?

The problem with putting happiness at the end of the list

Have you ever noticed how easily enjoyment becomes something we feel we have to earn?

First, finish the work.

Sort out the house.

Help everyone else.

Deal with the paperwork.

Exercise.

Eat properly.

Complete the endless list of things that apparently responsible adults are supposed to do.

And then, if there's any time left, perhaps we can do something enjoyable.

Except there rarely is.

Pleasure becomes a reward for having completed everything else.

But life isn't simply a collection of responsibilities with the occasional treat thrown in for good behaviour.

Enjoyment, connection, curiosity, rest and play are part of a meaningful life.

They're not necessarily frivolous extras.

You don't have to complete your entire to-do list before you're allowed to enjoy being alive.

Midlife: The moment you realise time isn't unlimited

There's something about reaching midlife that can change our relationship with time.

When we're younger, the future can feel almost endless.

There's plenty of time to travel.

Change careers.

Learn something new.

Get fitter.

Have adventures.

Pursue ambitions.

Then, somewhere along the way, we begin to recognise that time isn't quite as unlimited as we once imagined.

Our children grow up.

Our parents grow older.

Our bodies change.

People we know become ill.

We experience losses.

And occasionally, we're reminded rather abruptly that life doesn't always follow the timetable we'd planned.

This realisation can be unsettling.

But it can also be liberating.

Because perhaps it encourages us to ask a different question.

Not simply:

"What do I need to do?"

But:

"What do I want to experience while I have the opportunity?"

The retirement trap

Retirement is often presented as the great reward.

Work hard for decades.

Save your money.

Be responsible.

And eventually you'll have all the time in the world to do the things you've always wanted.

And retirement can indeed be a wonderful period of freedom and opportunity.

But there's a danger in assuming that everything meaningful should be postponed until then.

Our interests may change.

Our health may change.

Our financial circumstances may change.

The people we hoped to share experiences with may not always be available.

That doesn't mean we should stop planning for the future.

Financial security matters.

So does making sensible decisions.

But perhaps we can find a balance between preparing for later and living now.

You don't necessarily have to wait until retirement to travel, learn, create, explore or enjoy yourself.

Maybe you can't take six months to travel around the world.

But perhaps you could take a long weekend somewhere you've always wanted to visit.

The choice isn't always between doing everything now and doing nothing until later.

The body you're waiting to have

This one deserves particular attention.

How many experiences do people postpone because they don't feel comfortable with their bodies?

"I'll go swimming when I've lost weight."

"I'll buy some lovely clothes when I'm slimmer."

"I'll join the gym when I'm fitter."

"I'll have my photograph taken when I look better."

"I'll go on that walking holiday when I'm in better shape."

Of course, some activities require particular levels of fitness, and preparing physically can be sensible.

But many things don't.

You don't have to look a certain way to enjoy a holiday.

You don't need to be fit before joining a beginner exercise class.

You don't have to reach a particular weight before wearing clothes you love.

And you don't need to postpone having photographs taken with people you care about.

Your body doesn't have to be a finished project before you're allowed to enjoy your life.

One day, you might be very glad those photographs exist.

What are you actually afraid of?

Sometimes postponement isn't about time at all.

It's about fear.

Fear of failure.

Fear of embarrassment.

Fear of being judged.

Fear of making the wrong decision.

Fear of discovering that we're not particularly good at something.

Or even fear of finding out that the thing we've dreamt about isn't quite as wonderful as we imagined.

It's safer to keep an ambition in the future.

As long as we haven't tried, it remains full of possibility.

We can imagine ourselves writing the book, starting the business, learning the instrument or taking the adventure.

Without having to confront the messy reality of actually doing it.

But there's a cost to that safety.

We may protect ourselves from disappointment while also protecting ourselves from experiences that could be enormously rewarding.

You don't have to turn your life upside down

There's a danger that conversations like this become another form of pressure.

Seize the day!

Live every moment!

Follow your dreams!

Quit your job!

Book the flight!

Climb the mountain!

And suddenly, instead of feeling inspired, you're feeling inadequate because you haven't learnt Italian or climbed Kilimanjaro.

That's not the point.

Living more intentionally doesn't mean filling every available moment with extraordinary experiences.

Sometimes it means having lunch with a friend.

Going to the theatre.

Spending an afternoon in the garden.

Taking a different route on your walk.

Joining a class.

Reading a book without feeling guilty.

Making time for music.

Saying yes to something that sounds fun.

Or finally arranging that weekend away you've been talking about for five years.

A meaningful life doesn't have to be spectacular. It just has to contain things that matter to you.

The difference between waiting wisely and avoiding life

Not every delay is procrastination.

Sometimes waiting is absolutely the right decision.

You may need to save money.

Recover from illness.

Support a family member.

Complete training.

Build confidence or skills.

Or wait until circumstances are genuinely more manageable.

The important distinction is whether waiting is part of a realistic plan or has become a way of avoiding action indefinitely.

Consider two statements:

"I'd love to travel to Japan, but I need to save. I'm putting aside money each month and planning to go in two years."

And:

"I'd love to travel to Japan, but now isn't really the right time. Maybe one day."

The first involves intentional postponement.

The second may involve an indefinite dream with no clear route towards it.

Neither is automatically wrong.

But it's worth knowing which one you're choosing.

What does the psychology tell us?

Several psychological ideas help explain why we postpone meaningful experiences.

Temporal discounting: People often place different values on immediate and future outcomes. We may prioritise short-term demands over benefits that feel distant, even when those future benefits matter deeply to us.

Procrastination and emotion regulation: Research suggests that procrastination isn't always simply poor time management. It can involve avoiding uncomfortable emotions associated with a task, such as anxiety, uncertainty or fear of failure.

Values and psychological flexibility: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) emphasises identifying what matters and taking meaningful action, even when difficult thoughts or feelings are present.

Time perspective: Research on how people perceive their remaining time suggests that our priorities can shift as time horizons feel more limited, with emotionally meaningful experiences and relationships often becoming more important.

Anticipated regret: Thinking about how we might feel about a decision in the future can influence our choices, although regret isn't always predictable or a reliable guide on its own.

The research doesn't suggest we should act impulsively or ignore practical constraints.

It encourages us to consider whether our current decisions reflect what genuinely matters to us.

A little coaching reflection

Think about the things you've been putting off.

1. What have I been saying I'll do 'one day'?

What experiences, ambitions or pleasures keep getting postponed?

2. What am I waiting for?

More money, time, confidence, fitness, certainty or something else?

3. Are those conditions genuinely necessary?

Or could I begin in a smaller way?

4. What am I worried might happen if I start?

What fears or assumptions might be influencing me?

5. What might I regret not making time for?

Not as a way of frightening myself, but as an opportunity to clarify what matters.

6. What could I do now, given my actual circumstances?

Not my imaginary future circumstances. The ones I have today.

7. What would making more room for enjoyment look like in my ordinary week?

What might need to change?

Try this: The someday list

Write down five things you've been meaning to do.

They can be big or small.

Something I've been postponingWhat am I waiting for?One step I could take now1.2.3.4.5.

Now look at your list.

Which item matters most to you?

Which could you begin without making a dramatic change to your life?

Which might require planning, saving or support?

And which have you perhaps outgrown and no longer genuinely want?

You don't have to do everything.

You don't even have to do all five.

Choose one thing that feels meaningful and realistic.

Then ask yourself:

"What's the smallest step I could take towards this in the next seven days?"

It might be booking something.

Researching a course.

Contacting a friend.

Putting a date in the diary.

Or simply making a decision that this matters enough to give it some space.

A final thought

One of the saddest things about postponing life is that we often don't realise we're doing it.

We're busy.

Responsible.

Working hard.

Looking after people.

Planning for the future.

Trying to get everything organised.

And all of those things can be important.

But somewhere amongst the responsibilities, the years keep passing.

The children grow up.

The seasons change.

The opportunities come and go.

And the things we always meant to do remain on a list.

Perhaps we don't need to abandon our responsibilities or make reckless decisions.

Perhaps we simply need to stop treating enjoyment as something that belongs exclusively to the future.

Make the phone call.

Book the weekend.

Wear the dress.

Join the class.

Take the photograph.

Have the conversation.

Try the thing you've been wondering about.

Sources and further reading

Sirois, F. M. & Pychyl, T. A. (2013). Procrastination and the Priority of Short-Term Mood Regulation: Consequences for Future Self. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 7(2), 115–127.
Steel, P. (2007). The Nature of Procrastination: A Meta-Analytic and Theoretical Review of Quintessential Self-Regulatory Failure. Psychological Bulletin, 133(1), 65–94.
Carstensen, L. L., Isaacowitz, D. M. & Charles, S. T. (1999). Taking Time Seriously: A Theory of Socioemotional Selectivity. American Psychologist, 54(3), 165–181.
Frederick, S., Loewenstein, G. & O'Donoghue, T. (2002). Time Discounting and Time Preference: A Critical Review. Journal of Economic Literature, 40(2), 351–401.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D. & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change. Guilford Press.
Gilovich, T. & Medvec, V. H. (1995). The Experience of Regret: What, When, and Why. Psychological Review, 102(2), 379–395.

FUSION FIT — MOVE WELL • EAT WELL • LIVE WELL