HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR BODY?

And how much of your life are those feelings taking up?

Most of us have a relationship with our body.

For some people it's fairly neutral.

For others, it's complicated.

And for some, dissatisfaction with their body can quietly influence what they wear, where they go, how comfortable they feel with other people, their relationships, their sex life and how much they allow themselves to enjoy life.

This isn't about persuading yourself that you suddenly love every part of your body.

It's simply an opportunity to get curious about how you feel, where those feelings came from — and how much power they're having over your life.

START WITH WHERE YOU ARE NOW

How would you describe your relationship with your body?

I love my body. • I generally like it. • I'm fairly neutral about it. • There are parts I like and parts I don't. • I'm quite critical of it. • I dislike it. • I hate it.

Or perhaps none of those quite describes it.

How strong are those feelings?

If 0 = completely comfortable with your body and 10 = extremely distressed or unhappy about it, where would you put yourself today?

0 — 1 — 2 — 3 — 4 — 5 — 6 — 7 — 8 — 9 — 10

And how much time do you spend thinking about your appearance?

Occasionally? Every day? Every time you get dressed or look in a mirror?

IS IT YOUR WHOLE BODY — OR PARTICULAR PARTS?

Sometimes we say:

“I hate my body.”

But is that actually true?

Perhaps you dislike your stomach but like your legs.

Perhaps you've always felt self-conscious about your arms, breasts, chest, thighs, height, skin or another feature.

Perhaps your feelings have changed as your body has changed.

What parts of your body do you feel comfortable or positive about?

What parts are you most critical of?

And do the parts you dislike sometimes become so dominant that you stop seeing everything else?

HAS IT ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY?

Think back.

When do you first remember becoming conscious of your body?

Were you unhappy with it as a child? A teenager? In your twenties?

Did something change later?

Pregnancy • menopause • ageing • weight change • illness • injury • a relationship • a breakup • a comment somebody made

Or can you not remember a time when you weren't critical of your body?

WHERE DID THE MESSAGE COME FROM?

We aren't born knowing that our thighs are supposedly too big or our stomach should be flatter.

Somewhere along the way, we learn ideas about what bodies are “supposed” to look like.

Think about messages from:

Parents • siblings • friends • partners • school • magazines • television • social media • diet culture • sport • the fashion industry

Perhaps somebody made one remark years ago that you've never forgotten.

Perhaps you watched a parent constantly criticise their own body.

Perhaps you received compliments when you lost weight.

Perhaps somebody criticised your weight or appearance.

Perhaps your body changed and suddenly you became aware that it no longer matched the version you thought you were supposed to have.

Ask yourself:

Where did I learn that this particular part of me wasn't good enough?

And importantly:

Do I still agree with that message?

COMPARISON CHANGES THE PICTURE

Who are you comparing yourself with?

People your own age?

Your younger self?

People on social media?

Celebrities?

Someone whose body shape is completely different from yours?

Images that may have been posed, filtered, edited or carefully selected?

Sometimes the problem isn't that our body has suddenly become unacceptable.

The reference point has changed.

Ask yourself:

Am I comparing my real, everyday body with somebody else's best angle, best lighting and best photograph?

BODY CHECKING — OR BODY AVOIDANCE

Body dissatisfaction can lead us to repeatedly check our appearance:

Looking in mirrors. Pinching your stomach. Checking your profile. Weighing frequently. Trying on clothes to see whether they're tighter. Comparing photographs. Looking at particular body parts.

Other people do the opposite and avoid mirrors, scales, photographs or seeing themselves undressed.

Both can keep our attention firmly fixed on the body.

Notice which one you tend to do.

And ask:

Does it actually make me feel better?

HOW MUCH DOES BODY IMAGE AFFECT YOUR LIFE?

Do you:

Avoid photographs?

Avoid swimming or wearing a swimsuit?

Never wear shorts?

Avoid sleeveless clothes?

Choose clothes primarily to hide your body?

Avoid changing rooms?

Avoid undressing in front of your partner?

Want the lights off during sex?

Avoid intimacy or struggle to enjoy sex because you're thinking about how your body looks?

Avoid certain social situations?

Put off buying clothes until you've lost weight?

Think you'll enjoy holidays, dating, sex or life more “when my body looks better”?

Have you seriously considered cosmetic procedures or plastic surgery because you believe changing a particular feature would change how you feel about yourself?

There is no judgement attached to any of these.

The question is simply:

How much is the way I feel about my body affecting the way I live?

“IF I CHANGED MY BODY, THEN...”

This can be a particularly useful question.

Imagine you finally had the body — or changed the particular feature — you've been wanting.

What do you believe would happen?

I'd feel confident.

I'd be more attractive.

I'd have better sex.

I'd wear different clothes.

I'd go swimming.

I'd date.

I'd feel happier.

I'd finally feel good enough.

Now ask:

Is changing my body the only possible route to those things?

Sometimes the thing we're really chasing isn't a smaller stomach, thinner thighs or younger-looking skin.

It's confidence, acceptance, freedom, intimacy or permission to participate fully in life.

THE MOVING GOALPOST

Have you ever reached a weight or size you once thought would make you happy...

...only to find something else to dislike?

“If I lose another half stone...”

“If my stomach were flatter...”

“If my arms were more toned...”

“If I just fixed this...”

Sometimes the goalpost moves.

That's worth noticing, because changing the body doesn't automatically change the way we've learned to look at it.

CAN YOU ACCEPT A COMPLIMENT?

What happens when somebody tells you that you look lovely?

Can you simply say:

“Thank you.”

Or does your brain immediately respond:

They don't mean it.

They're just being nice.

They haven't seen me from the side.

Notice whether you automatically dismiss positive information about yourself while readily accepting the negative.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF BODY IMAGE

Body image isn't simply an objective assessment of what your body looks like.

It includes your thoughts, beliefs, emotions and behaviours around your body.

Those things can reinforce one another.

You notice something you dislike.

You focus on it.

You compare it.

You criticise it.

You avoid situations that make you feel exposed.

The avoidance brings temporary relief.

And your brain learns:

“Good. We avoided that. It must have been something to worry about.”

Over time, the pattern can become stronger.

That doesn't mean your feelings aren't real.

It means feelings and beliefs can become patterns — and patterns can sometimes change.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO SOMEONE ELSE?

Imagine somebody you love had your exact body.

Your daughter. Your sister. Your closest friend.

Would you look at their stomach, thighs, arms, wrinkles or stretch marks and think:

“You really shouldn't wear shorts.”

“Nobody should see you naked.”

“You'd be much more attractive if you fixed that.”

Probably not.

So it's worth asking:

Why are the rules different when the body belongs to me?

THE BODY YOU ONCE DISLIKED

Look at a photograph of yourself from 10, 20 or 30 years ago.

Perhaps at the time you thought you were too fat.

Perhaps you hated your legs.

Perhaps you wouldn't wear a bikini because of your stomach.

What do you think when you look at that photograph now?

Quite often, with hindsight, we think:

“What on earth was I worried about?”

Which raises an uncomfortable but potentially important question:

What might your 70-, 80- or 90-year-old self think about the body you're criticising today?

Will you wish you'd spent more time trying to perfect it?

Or might you wish you'd:

Worn the shorts?
Gone swimming?
Been in the photographs?
Enjoyed sex without worrying about your stomach?
Worn the dress?
Stopped hiding?

And simply appreciated the body you had while you had it?

YOUR BODY IS ALSO SOMETHING YOU LIVE IN

Your body isn't only something to look at.

It lets you:

Walk • hug • dance • travel • laugh • lift • work • have sex • play • swim • carry shopping • hold someone's hand • experience the world

It may have carried children.

Recovered from illness.

Taken you through difficult periods.

Changed as you've lived.

You don't have to love every part of it.

But perhaps there is room to appreciate what it does, rather than judging it entirely by how it looks.

A DIFFERENT GOAL

The goal doesn't necessarily have to be:

“I love my body.”

That may feel completely unrealistic.

Perhaps the goal is:

“I'd like to spend less time hating it.”

“I'd like my body to take up less space in my head.”

“I'd like to stop avoiding things because of how I look.”

“I'd like to treat my body with more respect.”

“I'd like to appreciate what it allows me to do.”

You don't have to love your body every day to stop being at war with it.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

Finish these sentences:

The thing I find hardest about my body is...

I think this feeling began when...

The message I've carried with me is...

The people or images I tend to compare myself with are...

Because of how I feel about my body, I sometimes avoid...

I believe that if my body changed, I would finally...

If I felt less self-conscious, I might...

One thing I appreciate about my body is...

One thing my body allows me to do that matters to me is...

And finally:

When I'm much older, will I regret spending so much of my life disliking a body that was busy allowing me to live it?

Maybe the goal isn't to love every inch of your body.

Maybe it's to stop letting the inches you don't love decide how much of your life you get to enjoy.

This worksheet provides general education and reflection around body image and wellbeing. Significant or persistent body-image distress can sometimes be associated with eating disorders, body dysmorphic disorder or other mental health difficulties. Where concerns are causing significant distress or interfering with everyday life, support from an appropriately qualified healthcare or mental health professional should be sought.

For client use only. Please do not copy, reproduce, distribute or share without permission.