G — RELIGHT MY FIRE
When you've lost your spark — and want to get your mojo back.
Do you ever feel as though you've lost a little bit of yourself?
Nothing is necessarily terribly wrong.
Life is ticking along. You're getting things done. You're fulfilling your responsibilities. You're functioning perfectly well.
But somewhere along the way, something seems to have gone missing.
Your enthusiasm. Your energy. Your curiosity. Your sense of fun.
That feeling of being excited about something.
Your mojo, in other words.
And perhaps the strangest thing is that you can't quite put your finger on when or why it disappeared.
WHEN DID LIFE BECOME SO... FUNCTIONAL?
Think about how much of our lives can become devoted to doing things we have to do.
Work. Children. Parents. Relationships. Housework. Shopping. Appointments. Bills. Washing. Cooking.
And then there's the endless mental list of things we haven't done yet.
Somewhere in all of that, the things we actually enjoy can quietly slip down the priority list.
You stop doing things because they're fun and start doing things because they're necessary.
You become very good at managing your life.
But are you actually enjoying it?
Perhaps you used to be the person who organised spontaneous evenings out, loved dancing, tried new things, laughed easily or got ridiculously excited about a new project.
Now the highlight of your evening is discovering that nobody needs a lift anywhere and you can go to bed at nine.
Which, admittedly, can be quite exciting.
But you know what I mean.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SPARK?
There isn't necessarily one explanation.
Sometimes it's the accumulation of years spent putting everybody else's needs ahead of your own.
Sometimes it's stress, exhaustion or simply having too much on your plate.
Perhaps your children are growing up and the role that once occupied so much of your life is changing.
Perhaps you've been in the same job for years and the excitement has worn off.
Perhaps a relationship has become predictable, or you've gradually stopped seeing friends and doing the things you used to love.
Or perhaps you've changed.
The things that excited you at 25 might not excite you at 45 or 65.
And that's absolutely fine.
Losing your spark doesn't necessarily mean you need to get your old life back.
It might mean you need to discover what makes your current life feel interesting, enjoyable and fulfilling.
ARE YOU TIRED — OR ARE YOU BORED?
Here's an interesting distinction.
Sometimes we genuinely need rest.
We're physically tired, mentally overloaded or emotionally drained. Adding more activities to an already exhausting schedule is hardly the answer.
But sometimes what we call tiredness is actually a lack of stimulation, variety or enjoyment.
We spend the day doing things that demand our attention without necessarily giving us much pleasure.
By the evening, we feel flat.
Not because we've done nothing.
Because we've done plenty — but perhaps very little that makes us feel alive.
Of course, boredom and exhaustion can coexist. And sometimes persistent tiredness has a physical or psychological cause.
The useful question is:
Do I need more rest, or do I need more of something that energises me?
The answer might be both.
REMEMBER WHAT USED TO LIGHT YOU UP
Think back to times when you felt particularly happy, engaged or enthusiastic.
What were you doing?
Who were you with?
What did your days contain?
Perhaps you loved music, dancing, sport, travelling, cooking, reading, being creative, learning something new or spending time with particular friends.
Perhaps you were more adventurous.
Perhaps you laughed more.
Perhaps you had something to look forward to.
The point isn't to recreate your younger self.
It's to identify the ingredients that made life enjoyable.
Maybe you don't want to go clubbing until three in the morning anymore.
But perhaps you still love music, dancing and being around people.
You can keep the ingredients without recreating the entire recipe.
HAVE YOU STOPPED MAKING ROOM FOR YOURSELF?
There's a difference between having no interests and having no time for your interests.
And there's another difference between having no time and never allowing yourself to make time.
We can become so accustomed to putting ourselves last that doing something purely for pleasure begins to feel selfish.
There's always something more useful we could be doing.
The house needs tidying.
There are emails to answer.
Someone needs something.
And so the book remains unread, the tennis racket stays in the cupboard and the friend you've been meaning to see doesn't get a phone call.
But enjoyment isn't a luxury we have to earn by completing every responsibility first.
It's part of a fulfilling life.
And sometimes we need to give it a place in the diary rather than waiting for a magical moment when everything else is finished.
Because, frankly, when is that ever going to happen?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL MOTIVATED FIRST
One of the frustrating things about losing your mojo is that you often don't feel particularly motivated to do anything about it.
You think:
I should go out more.
I should see my friends.
I should start exercising again.
I should do something interesting.
But somehow you never quite get round to it.
Here's the thing.
Motivation doesn't always arrive before action. Sometimes it follows it.
You might not feel like going for a walk, but feel better once you're outside.
You might nearly cancel an evening with friends, then come home wondering why you don't do it more often.
You might feel nervous about trying something new, then discover you absolutely love it.
Not every activity will have that effect, of course.
But waiting until you feel enthusiastic before doing anything enjoyable can leave you waiting an awfully long time.
Sometimes the smallest action is what gets things moving again.
MAYBE YOU NEED SOMETHING NEW
Not everything that once made you happy will necessarily do so now.
Perhaps your interests have changed.
Perhaps you've outgrown certain routines, friendships or ambitions.
Perhaps you've spent so long being a parent, partner, employee or carer that you've forgotten what you actually enjoy.
So get curious.
Try a new class.
Listen to different music.
Visit somewhere you've never been.
Learn something.
Join a group.
Say yes to an invitation.
Start a project.
Talk to somebody interesting.
Do something that takes you slightly outside your usual routine.
It doesn't have to involve jumping out of an aeroplane or trekking across the Himalayas.
Novelty doesn't have to be dramatic to make life feel different.
DON'T EXPECT ONE BIG CHANGE TO FIX EVERYTHING
It's tempting to imagine that the answer lies in some enormous life transformation.
A new job.
A new relationship.
Moving house.
Travelling around the world.
Starting again somewhere else.
Sometimes big changes really are necessary.
But sometimes what we're missing isn't an entirely different life.
It's more enjoyment, connection, freedom, purpose or variety within the life we already have.
Before deciding everything needs to change, it may be worth asking what small things could change first.
Perhaps one evening a week doing something for yourself.
A regular date with a friend.
A new interest.
More time outdoors.
Less time scrolling.
More music.
More laughter.
More opportunities to do things simply because you enjoy them.
You don't always need to reinvent your life to feel more alive in it.
AND WHAT IF IT'S MORE THAN A LOST MOJO?
There's an important distinction between feeling a bit flat and experiencing persistent low mood or a loss of pleasure in things you would normally enjoy.
If you've felt consistently low, hopeless, exhausted or unable to enjoy things for several weeks, particularly if it's affecting your everyday life, it's worth speaking to your GP or an appropriately qualified mental health professional.
Physical health, sleep, medication, hormonal changes and psychological wellbeing can all influence how we feel.
Sometimes the answer isn't another hobby or a more exciting social calendar.
Sometimes we need support.
And recognising that is just as important as recognising when we need a little more fun.
A FEW QUESTIONS WORTH ASKING YOURSELF
When did I last feel genuinely excited about something?
What used to make me feel happy, interested or full of energy?
What have I stopped doing that I once loved?
Am I genuinely exhausted, or am I missing stimulation and enjoyment?
Have my responsibilities gradually crowded out my interests?
Am I waiting for other people to make my life more interesting?
What do I find myself looking forward to?
Are there things I've always fancied trying but never quite got round to?
What would I do more often if I didn't feel guilty about taking time for myself?
What's one small thing I could do this week that might make life feel a little more enjoyable?
And perhaps the biggest question:
Am I waiting for my spark to come back — or could I do something to help reignite it?
THE TAKE-HOME MESSAGE
Losing your mojo doesn't necessarily mean there's something terribly wrong with your life.
Sometimes it means you've been busy living up to your responsibilities and have gradually lost touch with the things that make life enjoyable.
Sometimes you've changed, but your routines haven't.
Sometimes you're tired.
Sometimes you're bored.
And sometimes you simply need a reminder that you're allowed to have interests, ambitions and pleasures that belong entirely to you.
You don't need to wake up tomorrow bursting with enthusiasm and a completely transformed personality.
Start small.
Reconnect with something you used to enjoy.
Try something new.
Make time for people who make you laugh.
Give yourself something to look forward to.
And remember:
You don't have to wait until life becomes less busy to start enjoying it again.
Perhaps your spark hasn't disappeared completely.
Perhaps it just hasn't had much oxygen lately.
Time to relight that fire.
FOR YOUR INFORMATION
This handout is intended for general coaching, education and wellbeing purposes. It is not a substitute for medical or psychological assessment or treatment. Persistent low mood, loss of interest or pleasure, significant fatigue or changes in everyday functioning may warrant professional assessment.
For client use only. Please do not copy, reproduce, distribute or share without permission.
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