Busy, Busy, Busy… But Is It Working for You?
There's a difference between a full life and one that leaves you running on empty.
How are you?
"Busy!"
It's almost become our standard response, hasn't it?
"Absolutely manic!" "Haven't stopped!" "So much going on!" "Don't know whether I'm coming or going!"
But here's a question.
Do you actually enjoy being busy?
Because there's a difference between having a wonderfully full, productive and purposeful life — and being so busy that you're permanently exhausted, frazzled and beginning to resent everything and everybody demanding your time.
One can leave you feeling energised, stimulated and fulfilled. The other can leave you overwhelmed, irritable and wondering when you last had five minutes to yourself.
And sometimes, of course, we're somewhere in between.
Perhaps you love being busy. You thrive on activity, enjoy a challenge and get enormous satisfaction from everything you achieve.
Or perhaps you feel too busy. There simply aren't enough hours in the day, and you're constantly rushing from one responsibility to the next.
Or maybe you're incredibly busy but not particularly productive. You're doing lots of things, but are they the things that actually matter to you?
Is your busyness adding to your life — or taking something away from it?
The buzz of being busy
There's nothing wrong with enjoying a full diary, interesting projects, new challenges and the satisfaction of getting things done.
In fact, being active and engaged in meaningful activities can be enormously beneficial for our wellbeing.
And there's some interesting psychology behind why busyness can feel so rewarding.
Our brains have reward and motivation systems involving chemicals such as dopamine. Dopamine plays an important role in motivation, learning and anticipating rewards.
Starting an exciting project, making progress towards a goal or ticking something off a list can feel satisfying.
Then there's adrenaline, which is involved in our body's response to excitement, pressure and perceived threats. When we're rushing to meet a deadline or juggling competing demands, physiological arousal can increase.
Perhaps you recognise that feeling.
You're on a mission. You're juggling seventeen things, solving problems, making decisions and somehow keeping all the plates spinning.
You're buzzing!
But here's something worth considering.
Do you enjoy the activity itself, the satisfaction of achieving something — or the buzz of having so much going on?
These aren't mutually exclusive, and we can't tell what someone's dopamine or adrenaline levels are simply from how busy or energised they feel.
But it can be interesting to notice what drives us.
Busy — or actually productive?
Have you ever had one of those days when you haven't stopped for a moment, yet by six o'clock you wonder what on earth you've achieved?
You've answered messages, researched something, reorganised a drawer, started three jobs and added another twelve things to your to-do list.
You've been extraordinarily busy.
But have you made progress on anything that really matters?
Perhaps. Perhaps not.
There's a difference between activity and achievement, and between achievement and fulfilment.
You can have a very productive day and feel wonderful. You can have a busy day and feel you've accomplished nothing. And you can have a quiet day that turns out to be exactly what you needed.
Does your busyness give you a sense of progress and purpose, or simply a sense of being occupied?
And are the things filling your day actually the things you want your life to be filled with?
When being busy becomes a badge of honour
Have you noticed how we sometimes talk about busyness almost as though it's a measure of success?
"I'm absolutely snowed under."
"I haven't had a minute to myself."
"I've got so much on, it's ridiculous."
And occasionally there's just a tiny hint of pride behind the exhaustion.
Because being busy can suggest that we're important, needed, successful, ambitious or indispensable.
And what about the opposite?
If somebody has a quiet afternoon, do we admire their ability to relax — or wonder why they haven't found something useful to do?
Perhaps you've grown up with the idea that hardworking people are good people, and people who aren't constantly doing something are lazy.
Perhaps your career has rewarded long hours and constant availability.
Or perhaps you've become so accustomed to being needed that you're not quite sure who you'd be without all those responsibilities.
Psychologists sometimes talk about contingent self-worth — when our sense of personal value depends heavily on things such as achievement, success or other people's approval.
So here's an interesting question.
If you weren't busy, would you feel less worthwhile?
And how important is it that other people see you as somebody with a lot going on?
Could busyness sometimes be a distraction?
Imagine you've finally got an afternoon to yourself.
Nothing urgent. No appointments. Nobody demanding your attention.
Wonderful!
Except that within ten minutes, you're checking your phone, sorting a cupboard or remembering something you absolutely must research.
Before you know it, your peaceful afternoon has disappeared.
But what might have happened if you'd simply stayed sitting?
Would you have felt relaxed? Bored? Restless? Lonely? Perhaps a little uncomfortable?
Sometimes keeping busy is simply enjoyable. We like stimulation, variety and activity.
But could there be occasions when we're filling our time because we don't particularly want to be alone with our thoughts?
Perhaps there's a difficult decision to make. A worry about the future. Something unresolved in a relationship. Or a feeling we haven't quite acknowledged.
Psychologists use the term experiential avoidance to describe attempts to escape or reduce uncomfortable thoughts, feelings or internal experiences.
Distraction can be useful, and we all need breaks from difficult emotions. But sometimes constant activity may mean we rarely give ourselves the opportunity to notice what's going on beneath the surface.
This doesn't mean that busy people are necessarily avoiding anything.
It's simply an invitation to be curious.
Are you keeping busy because you want to do something — or because you don't want to feel something?
And if you occasionally allowed yourself a little silence, what might you notice?
When a full life becomes too full
Here's another distinction worth exploring.
You can have a wonderfully busy life and love every minute of it.
Or you can have a life that feels so full of demands that there's barely room to think.
Perhaps you're constantly rushing, running late, juggling responsibilities and feeling as though everybody wants a piece of you.
You might start resenting things you once enjoyed.
You may feel irritable when somebody asks you to do one more thing.
Or perhaps you find yourself saying yes when you desperately want to say no.
And sometimes the difficulty isn't that you've chosen too much. Caring responsibilities, work demands, financial pressures and other circumstances can leave people with very little control over their time.
So it's not always a matter of learning to say no or managing your diary better.
But it may still be worth considering:
Which parts of your busy life energise you, and which parts leave you feeling depleted?
And where, if anywhere, might there be room for change?
Have we forgotten how to do nothing?
When was the last time you did absolutely nothing?
Not scrolling through your phone. Not listening to a podcast while doing the washing. Not watching television while answering emails.
Just sitting.
Perhaps enjoying a cup of tea.
Without feeling that you ought to be doing something more useful.
For some people, that sounds wonderful.
For others, it sounds almost unbearable.
We seem to have become very good at filling every available moment with stimulation.
The radio goes on when we get into the car. The earphones go in when we go for a walk. The phone comes out the moment we have to wait for something.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying these things.
But perhaps it's worth wondering whether we've become so accustomed to constant input that silence feels unfamiliar.
And then there's the guilt.
I should be doing something.
I'm wasting time.
I'll relax when I've finished everything.
But when is everything ever finished?
Rest and recovery are important for wellbeing. They don't necessarily have to involve sitting still — walking, reading, gardening, listening to music or spending time with friends may all be restorative.
The interesting question is whether you're choosing an activity because you enjoy it, or because doing nothing feels unacceptable.
Do you allow yourself to rest — or do you feel you have to earn it?
Finding your own balance
Perhaps the answer isn't to become less busy.
Perhaps you genuinely love your full, active, stimulating life and wouldn't change a thing.
Wonderful.
But perhaps some of your busyness is leaving you exhausted, distracted from what matters or feeling that there's never enough time.
And perhaps you don't need to do less of everything.
You might simply want to do more of what matters to you, less of what doesn't, and create a little space in between.
Because a fulfilling life doesn't necessarily have to be a quiet one.
Nor does a busy life have to be an overwhelming one.
The question is whether the way you're spending your time is working for you.
A little self-reflection
There's no right or wrong way to answer these questions. They're simply an opportunity to explore your relationship with busyness.
Do you actually enjoy being busy? What parts of having a full life do you find stimulating, satisfying or rewarding?
Do you ever feel too busy? When does having lots to do stop feeling enjoyable and start feeling overwhelming?
Are you busy doing things you want to do, or things you feel you should do? How much choice do you have over what fills your time?
Does your busyness energise you or exhaust you? Which activities leave you feeling fulfilled, and which leave you frazzled or resentful?
Are you genuinely productive, or simply constantly occupied? How do you recognise the difference between being busy and making progress on what matters?
What does being busy give you? Purpose, achievement, stimulation, approval, a sense of being needed — or perhaps something else?
How important is it that other people see you as busy? What might you worry they'd think if you had less to do?
What beliefs do you hold about rest and doing nothing? Do you associate being less busy with laziness or lack of ambition? Where might those beliefs have come from?
Could some of your busyness be helping you avoid something uncomfortable? Are there thoughts, feelings, decisions or conversations that become more noticeable when life goes quiet?
If you had fewer things to do, would you feel relieved — or would something feel missing? What might that tell you about your relationship with activity and achievement?
If your worth had absolutely nothing to do with your productivity, what else would you value about yourself?
What would your ideal balance look like? Would you choose to be busier, less busy or simply busy in a different way?
A final thought
There's nothing wrong with being busy.
A full diary, meaningful work, interesting projects, family commitments and an active social life can all contribute to a wonderfully fulfilling existence.
But there's a difference between being busy because life is full of things you enjoy and value — and being so overwhelmed that you're constantly running on empty.
There's also a difference between enjoying achievement and feeling that you have to achieve something to be worthwhile.
Perhaps the aim isn't to stop being busy.
Perhaps it's to become more aware of why we're busy, what we're busy doing and how that busyness makes us feel.
Because a full life isn't necessarily measured by how much you squeeze into it.
It's about whether the things filling your life are adding something to it — or taking something away.
Something to think about, don't you think?
The psychology behind this sheet
Berridge, K. C., & Robinson, T. E. (1998). What is the role of dopamine in reward: Hedonic impact, reward learning, or incentive salience? Brain Research Reviews, 28(3), 309–369. — Motivation and reward.
Hayes, S. C., et al. (1996). Experiential avoidance and behavioral disorders. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64(6), 1152–1168. — Avoidance of uncomfortable internal experiences.
Crocker, J., & Wolfe, C. T. (2001). Contingencies of self-worth. Psychological Review, 108(3), 593–623. — Achievement, approval and self-worth.
Sonnentag, S., & Fritz, C. (2007). The Recovery Experience Questionnaire. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 12(3), 204–221. — Rest and psychological recovery.
Disclaimer: This handout is intended for general information, education and self-reflection only. It does not diagnose or treat any mental health condition or replace professional medical or psychological advice. The psychological concepts discussed are offered as possibilities for reflection, not explanations for any individual's behaviour. Experiences of busyness and opportunities for rest vary considerably. Fusion Fit coaching supports self-awareness, personal development and behaviour change but does not provide clinical diagnosis or treatment.
FUSION FIT — MOVE WELL • EAT WELL • LIVE WELL