BE • DO • HAVE — BUT WHY?
What do you really want from life — and why does it matter to you?
A little clarity can go a long way
We spend an enormous amount of time doing what needs to be done.
Working. Looking after people. Managing responsibilities. Getting through the week. Planning the next holiday. Remembering to buy dishwasher tablets.
But how often do we actually stop and ask ourselves what we want?
Not what we should want.
Not what our families, friends or society expect us to want.
And not necessarily what we wanted ten years ago.
What do you want now?
That's what this exercise is designed to explore.
It's a simple but surprisingly revealing way to step away from the daily demands of life and think about three questions:
BE: Who do I want to be? How do I want to feel, live and show up in the world?
DO: What do I want to do? What would I like to experience, explore, achieve or make more time for?
HAVE: What do I want to have? What would I like more of in my life — whether that's something tangible or something less obvious, such as freedom, connection or peace of mind?
And then comes the most interesting question of all.
WHY?
Because sometimes the thing we think we want isn't quite the thing we're really looking for.
We might want a bigger house because we're longing for security.
A new job because we want more freedom.
To lose weight because we want to feel confident.
Or more money because we're hoping it will give us more time with the people we love.
There's nothing wrong with any of those goals.
But understanding what sits underneath them can open up possibilities we hadn't considered.
Perhaps there are different ways of getting what we really need.
Step 1 — Dream a little: Be • Do • Have
Give yourself 10–15 minutes.
Take a piece of paper and divide it into three columns.
Don't overthink it. Don't worry about whether your answers are sensible, affordable or achievable right now.
This isn't a financial planning exercise or a test of how ambitious you are.
It's an opportunity to be curious.
Write down whatever comes to mind.
BE — Who do I want to be?DO — What do I want to do?HAVE — What do I want to have?More confidentTravel moreMore free timeCalm and less stressedLearn a new skillFinancial securityAdventurousSpend more time with friendsA home I loveA more present parentStart my own businessStronger relationshipsHealthier and strongerWrite a bookMore independence
These are only examples. Your answers may look completely different.
You might have twenty ideas in one column and only three in another.
That's fine.
You might write something that seems completely unrealistic.
Write it down anyway.
You might discover that you don't know what you want.
That's interesting too.
And as you're writing, notice how you respond.
Which ideas make you feel excited?
Which feel comforting?
Which bring up uncertainty or fear?
Which make you think, "I'd love that, but…"?
You don't need to analyse those feelings yet. Just notice them.
Step 2 — Now ask WHY
Here's where the exercise becomes really interesting.
Go back through your answers, one at a time.
For each one, ask:
"Why do I want this?"
Then take it a little further.
"What would having or doing this give me?"
"Why would that matter?"
"And what would that mean for my life?"
You don't have to stop at the first answer.
Sometimes the first answer is only the beginning.
Example 1: I want to earn more money
Why?
"So I can feel more financially secure."
Why is that important?
"Because I don't like worrying about money."
And what would greater security give you?
"Freedom. I'd feel more in control and less dependent on other people."
So perhaps the deeper priority is security, freedom or independence.
Earning more money might be one route towards that. But it may not be the only one.
Example 2: I want to get fitter
Why?
"Because I want to feel better."
What would feeling better allow you to do?
"I'd have more energy and confidence."
And why does that matter?
"Because I want to enjoy life and feel capable of doing things as I get older."
Perhaps the deeper motivation is vitality, confidence and independence.
That's potentially much more meaningful than simply telling yourself you ought to exercise.
Example 3: I want a different job
Why?
"Because I'm bored with what I'm doing."
What would a different job give you?
"More variety and something to get excited about."
Why is that important?
"Because I want to feel challenged and as though I'm still growing."
Perhaps the underlying need is learning, curiosity or personal growth.
Could that be achieved through changing jobs? Possibly.
Could there be other ways? Also possibly.
Example 4: I want a bigger house
Why?
"Because I'd love more space."
What would more space give you?
"Room for friends and family to visit."
And why does that matter?
"Because I want to spend more time with people I love."
Perhaps the deeper value is connection.
That doesn't mean the bigger house is a bad idea.
It simply helps you understand what you're hoping it will bring into your life.
A useful reminder
You don't have to discover a profound psychological explanation for every answer.
Sometimes you want to go to Italy because you love Italy.
Sometimes you want a lovely coat because you enjoy clothes.
And sometimes you want a new sofa because the old one is falling apart.
Not everything requires an existential investigation.
But where an answer feels particularly important, asking why can reveal something valuable.
Step 3 — Look for the themes
Now read through your answers and the reasons behind them.
What keeps coming up?
Perhaps several of your goals are really about freedom.
Or connection.
Or confidence.
Or security.
Or adventure.
Or feeling healthier.
You may find that apparently unrelated ambitions are connected by the same underlying value.
For example:
"I want to travel more."
"I want to reduce my working hours."
"I want to learn something new."
These could all reflect a desire for freedom, exploration and variety.
Or:
"I want a better work–life balance."
"I want to see my friends more."
"I want to feel less stressed."
These might point towards connection, balance and wellbeing.
There are no right answers.
You're simply looking for patterns.
What do your answers tell you about what matters most to you at this stage of your life?
Step 4 — What matters most right now?
You may have a long list.
And unless you've discovered a way to manufacture extra hours in the day, you probably can't pursue everything at once.
So now it's time to prioritise.
Look through your answers and choose the three that feel most important right now.
Not necessarily the biggest.
Not the most impressive.
And not the ones you think you should choose.
The ones that feel meaningful and relevant to your life today.
You might ask yourself:
Which would make the greatest positive difference to my life?
Which feels most important rather than merely urgent?
Which reflects my values?
Which have I been putting off?
Which am I genuinely ready to explore?
If you find it difficult to choose, that's useful information.
Perhaps two priorities are competing.
Perhaps you feel pulled between security and adventure.
Or between supporting others and making time for yourself.
You don't have to resolve everything immediately.
Sometimes recognising the tension is the beginning of a useful coaching conversation.
My three priorities
My priorityWhy it matters to meWhat it might give me1.2.3.
Step 5 — Turn insight into possibility
Clarity is useful.
But what might you do with it?
Choose one of your priorities and consider:
What's one small step I could take towards this?
It doesn't need to be dramatic.
If you want more connection, perhaps it's arranging to see a friend.
If you want more adventure, perhaps it's researching a weekend away.
If you want more confidence, perhaps it's trying something you've been avoiding.
If you want more freedom, perhaps it's exploring how you spend your time.
If you want a career change, perhaps it's talking to someone who works in a field that interests you.
The aim isn't to create a rigid action plan before you've finished thinking.
It's to explore whether there's a manageable way to begin.
And sometimes the first step is simply recognising that something matters enough to deserve your attention.
Step 6 — Reflect on what you've discovered
Take a moment to look at the exercise as a whole.
What surprised you?
Was one column easier than the others?
Did any of your answers change when you explored the why?
Were there goals that initially seemed important but became less compelling?
Did you discover that several things you want are actually connected?
Were there any ambitions that felt more like other people's expectations than your own?
And perhaps most importantly:
Does the way you're currently living reflect the things you've identified as important?
Not perfectly.
Nobody's life aligns with every value all the time.
But are you giving enough time and attention to the things that matter to you?
Or have they been quietly pushed aside by everything else?
When might this exercise be useful?
You can return to Be • Do • Have whenever you want to check in with yourself.
It's particularly useful when:
You're feeling stuck, restless or unsure what you want.
You're considering a life or career change.
You're going through a transition, such as children leaving home or approaching retirement.
You have lots of ambitions but don't know where to start.
You're pursuing a goal but struggling to find motivation.
You've achieved something you thought you wanted, yet still feel dissatisfied.
You simply want to check whether your current priorities still fit the person you are today.
Our circumstances change.
Our needs change.
Our values may develop.
And what mattered enormously at thirty may not be quite so important at fifty.
That's not inconsistency.
That's life.
A final thought
It's surprisingly easy to spend years pursuing things without ever stopping to ask why we want them.
We get caught up in routines.
Responsibilities.
Expectations.
And ideas about what a successful life is supposed to look like.
Sometimes we discover that our goals are exactly right for us.
Sometimes we discover that they've changed.
And sometimes we realise that the thing we've been chasing is only one possible route towards something much more important.
The real value of Be • Do • Have isn't simply creating a list of things you want. It's discovering what those things mean to you.
Because once you understand your why, you may find you have more choices about your how.
FUSION FIT — MOVE WELL • EAT WELL • LIVE WELL