Are We Making Life Harder Than It Needs to Be?

Sometimes we're the ones adding the extra rules.

Life can be complicated enough without us making it any more difficult.

There are jobs to do, people to look after, bills to pay, relationships to navigate and approximately seventeen things on the to-do list that were supposed to have been done yesterday.

And yet, sometimes, we seem remarkably good at adding a few extra complications ourselves.

We decide the house must be immaculate before friends come round. That we should cook everything from scratch. That exercise only counts if we've done a full hour. That we need to research every possible option before making a decision.

And if we're going to start something new, we really ought to do it properly.

Which usually involves buying a notebook, downloading an app, making a spreadsheet and possibly enrolling on another course.

But who made all these rules?

And more importantly, do we actually have to follow them?

The rules we didn't realise we'd made

We all develop ideas about how things should be done.

A good parent should always cook nutritious meals. A successful person should have a thriving career. A healthy person should exercise regularly, eat perfectly and never miss their daily steps.

A good friend should always be available. A tidy house should stay tidy. And if we're going to do something, we should give it 100%.

Some of these expectations come from our upbringing, culture, social circles or experiences. Others are standards we've gradually adopted ourselves.

And over time, they can become so familiar that we stop questioning them.

Are these genuinely your values, or have they become rules you're following without remembering why?

There's nothing wrong with having standards. But it's worth asking whether those standards are helping us live the life we want — or simply giving us more things to worry about.

When good enough really is good enough

Perfectionism can sometimes make relatively simple tasks unnecessarily complicated.

You invite friends for dinner and suddenly feel obliged to produce three courses, homemade bread and a pudding that requires a blowtorch.

You decide to get fitter but spend weeks researching the perfect exercise programme, rather than simply going for a walk.

You want to redecorate a room but become so overwhelmed by the endless choices that three months later you're still looking at paint samples.

Psychologists distinguish between setting high personal standards and the more unhelpful aspects of perfectionism, such as excessive concern about mistakes and doubts about our actions.

The problem isn't wanting to do things well. It's when the pursuit of doing them perfectly starts getting in the way of doing them at all.

What would happen if you occasionally allowed yourself to do something reasonably well, rather than exceptionally well?

The dinner party might still be lovely. The walk would still count. And the room would probably look absolutely fine.

Even without spending another six weeks deciding between two almost identical shades of beige.

Are we overcomplicating our decisions?

Sometimes we make life harder by giving every decision more attention than it deserves.

What should we wear? Which restaurant should we book? Which exercise class is best? What should we cook tonight?

Of course, some decisions genuinely require careful consideration. But others don't necessarily benefit from hours of research, endless comparisons or asking twelve different people for their opinions.

Psychologist Barry Schwartz has explored how having numerous choices and constantly searching for the best possible option can sometimes make decision-making more difficult and less satisfying.

There's a difference between making a thoughtful choice and feeling that we must find the absolute best choice.

Could you be spending more energy trying to make the perfect decision than the decision actually warrants?

Perhaps sometimes choosing something that's perfectly suitable — and moving on — is enough.

The exhausting business of doing everything properly

We can also make life unnecessarily complicated through the routines we create.

Take healthy living, for example.

You decide to improve your wellbeing. A perfectly sensible goal.

But before long, you've decided you need to exercise five times a week, walk 10,000 steps every day, meditate, drink two litres of water, eat thirty different plants, prepare every meal from scratch, sleep eight hours and somehow fit in a cold shower.

And preferably all before breakfast.

What began as a desire to feel better has turned into another full-time job.

There's nothing inherently wrong with any particular healthy habit. But trying to change everything at once can become overwhelming.

And when our routines are too demanding, we may abandon them altogether.

Could a simpler approach, repeated consistently, actually serve you better than an elaborate plan you struggle to maintain?

Sometimes a twenty-minute walk is enough. Sometimes a straightforward meal is absolutely fine. Sometimes getting to bed a little earlier is more useful than introducing another complicated morning routine.

Whose expectations are we meeting?

Of course, not all the pressure comes from ourselves.

We live in a world full of advice about how we should look, behave, work, parent, eat, exercise and spend our time.

Social media offers an endless supply of beautifully organised homes, productive morning routines, perfectly balanced meals and people apparently managing to do everything without ever looking remotely flustered.

It's easy to absorb these expectations without consciously deciding whether they suit us.

And sometimes we continue doing things simply because we've always done them that way.

The elaborate Christmas lunch. The obligation to attend every social event. The expectation that we should always say yes. The belief that being busy means we're being productive.

If you were designing your life around what genuinely matters to you, rather than what you think you should be doing, what might you do differently?

Making things easier isn't cheating

Somewhere along the way, we can develop the idea that if something is worthwhile, it ought to require considerable effort.

That taking the easier option is somehow lazy, less impressive or not quite good enough.

But making life simpler doesn't necessarily mean lowering our ambitions or avoiding responsibility.

It might mean deciding what deserves your time and energy — and what doesn't.

Buying the cake rather than making it. Saying no to something you don't really want to do. Choosing a manageable exercise routine. Delegating a task. Accepting help. Letting something be good enough.

Or simply deciding that not everything needs to become a project.

What if making life easier were a sign of good judgement rather than a lack of effort?

After all, we only have so much time and energy. Perhaps it's worth being a little more selective about where we spend them.

A little self-reflection

There are no right or wrong answers. Just a few questions to explore.

1. Where does life currently feel unnecessarily complicated? Work, home, relationships, health, routines or something else?

2. What rules have you created for yourself? Are there things you believe you must, should or ought to do?

3. Where does perfectionism make things harder? What would good enough look like?

4. Are you spending too much time on relatively unimportant decisions? What might help you simplify them?

5. Which routines genuinely support your wellbeing? Are there any that have become more demanding than helpful?

6. Whose expectations are you trying to meet? Are they your own, somebody else's or simply habits you've never questioned?

7. What could you stop doing, do less often, delegate or simplify? What would you actually lose by making that change?

8. If you made one part of your life 20% easier, where would you start?

A small experiment: Remove one unnecessary rule

Think of something that regularly takes more time, effort or mental energy than you'd like.

Ask yourself:

The rule or expectation I'm following:
What do I believe I have to do?

Where did this rule come from?
Is it genuinely important to me?

What would a simpler version look like?
Could I do less, make it easier or approach it differently?

What might happen if I changed it?
What are the realistic consequences?

One small change I'll experiment with this week:
What could I try?

Afterwards, reflect on what happened. Did anything important suffer? Did you gain time, energy or peace of mind? Would you like to continue doing things differently?

A final thought

Of course, some parts of life genuinely are complicated. We all have responsibilities, challenges and circumstances that can't simply be solved by buying a ready-made lasagne or lowering our standards.

And simplifying isn't always possible or desirable.

But perhaps there are areas where we're making things more demanding than they need to be.

Not because we enjoy making life difficult, but because we've become so accustomed to our expectations, routines and ways of doing things that we rarely stop to question them.

We don't necessarily need to do everything better, faster or more efficiently.

Sometimes we just need to do a little less.

What if the next improvement you made to your life wasn't something you added — but something you gave yourself permission to stop doing?

Something to think about, don't you think?

The psychology behind this sheet

• Frost, R. O., Marten, P., Lahart, C., & Rosenblate, R. (1990). The dimensions of perfectionism. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 14, 449–468. — Different aspects of perfectionism, including concern over mistakes and doubts about actions.

• Schwartz, B. (2004). The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. Ecco. — How extensive choice and the search for the best option can complicate decisions.

• Iyengar, S. S., & Lepper, M. R. (2000). When choice is demotivating: Can one desire too much of a good thing? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 79(6), 995–1006. — How larger choice sets can sometimes reduce motivation or satisfaction.

• Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493–503. — How clear, specific plans can support action.

FUSION FIT — MOVE WELL • EAT WELL • LIVE WELL

Disclaimer: This handout is intended for general information, education and self-reflection only. It does not diagnose or treat any psychological or mental health condition or replace professional medical or psychological advice. The ideas and exercises are intended to support personal reflection and considered choices, not to minimise genuine responsibilities or challenges. Fusion Fit coaching supports self-awareness, personal development and behaviour change but does not provide clinical diagnosis or treatment.